After our first ultrasound, the sonographer spoke to us about our baby, showed us photos and we were elated to know he was okay. We heard his heartbeat and we left excited and full of hope. We announced to all friends and family at that point.
Then two days later they wanted me back in for a follow up ultrasound. I had no idea why. I had to wait an entire week to find out, drowning in fear that something was wrong. My husband had just been promoted to upper Management and wasn't able to accompany me to the appointment.
They wouldn't tell me anything during the next ultrasound. The sonographer was silent. Almost cold. I asked questions but her demeanour was entirely different from the previous week. I left with a pit in my stomach. I knew something was wrong, and I was terrified. I drove over to my OB's office and I sat out front. I called them on the phone in tears. I told them I couldn't go home until I knew what was wrong. They said they would request the report from the clinic and have my OB speak to me. My baby sister came to hold my hand and be my support. We sat in a waiting room full of pregnant mothers, or new moms, while I knew in my gut that something was wrong with my baby. We sat for at least an hour, but it felt like a day. When they finally called me in, I barely remember all that followed. It's such a blur. My body felt heavy. My heart quite literally felt broken. I now understand where that saying comes from. I don't remember exactly what my doctor said.. only that he said our baby had died. Sometime after we heard his heartbeat. I had been carrying him for nearly a week, thinking he was fine when he was no longer living. I remember being unable to leave the office for a long time. We were still there when they wanted to close up and go home. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't leave the parking lot for a long time after that still. My husband and I found out that same day that our offer on our house was accepted and we were officially homeowners. The home we bought to raise what was meant to be our family of 4. Now 3. I'll never forget that day.. now for all the wrong reasons.