The Language of Eating: Hack Their Eating Habits

What and how we talk about food is probably something that, as parents, you don’t think about much. But did you know that it can actually have a significant impact on children’s eating habits and their relationship with food?

We caught up with our resident expert, Specialist Paediatric Dietitian, Lucy Upton, to crack the code on dealing with food refusal and fussy eating. 

Whilst what comes out of our mouths is often second nature, and perhaps even scripts we experienced as children, the words we use, the tone we adopt, and the values we associate with food can shape mealtimes, habits, self-esteem, and long-term health. In this blog, Lucy explores language's subtle yet powerful influence on how children learn to eat, think, and feel about food.

What do you say to encourage your child to eat?

This might be a question that makes you pause. As parents, it's natural to rely on our words and body language to encourage our children to eat. We want them to be nourished, grow well, and enjoy mealtimes, so we speak, gesture and perhaps even coax or persuade...

However, in research and my clinical practice, I see that many of these efforts can often backfire. Children are incredibly perceptive. They pick up on more than just our words  - they sense our tone, facial expressions, and emotional state. Even well-intentioned comments or gestures can be interpreted as pressure when we’re anxious or overly focused on getting them to eat or “try one bite”.

This pressure, in turn, can cause resistance or reduce a child’s ability to log in to the learning part of their brain, as their nervous system is also now straying towards “not ok” and “something’s wrong”.  Our efforts may unintentionally signal that we are not okay, and that eating is a task controlled by someone else, not a personal experience. Children may begin to associate mealtimes with tension rather than trust and connection, and this often translates to the “battlefield” that many parents describe to me.

Even when our words come from a place of care, children don’t always interpret them as we expect. Young children, in particular, are still learning to decode social cues and language. What we say and what they hear can be very different  - and sometimes, our well-meaning phrases can send unintended messages. 

Here are some examples:

Mealtime language hacks to help your child eat and explore new foods

Now, I’m not suggesting that we can’t support our kids at mealtimes with how we talk, and certainly not suggesting we sit in silence!

Instead, how we frame food, reactions, and encouragement can have a big impact. Here are some simple language swaps and tips to help make mealtimes more positive and pressure-free.

1. Keep food neutral, which means…

• Avoiding labelling food “good” or “bad”

• Avoid placing value on one food above another – don’t use any foods to bribe or encourage the intake of others

• Try to avoid excess focus on certain types of foods (Vegetables, I’m looking at you)

2. Remember the most powerful language you have is…

• Modelling - Children famously do as they see, not as they are told. Modelling eating balanced meals will always trump anything else

• Demonstrating food enjoyment is also huge, so pick meals you enjoy eating too!

3. Initially, talk about something else…

• If language at the table has been a tool for persuasion or unintentional pressure for a while, the best thing you can do is talk about something other than the food. Removing the spotlight can work wonders!

• Instead, focus on connection with your child at the table – talk about your day, find gratitude or simply share some laughs

4. Use language to spark exploration and curiosity…

• When you think about it, “it’s delicious” doesn’t actually describe much about the food to help kids learn. Instead, using language at their level can help. For young children, imaginative play and magical thinking is their language – so think of speaking it through mealtimes: “oooh this orange piece looks like a bear ear.”

• Keeping it factual can also help, e.g. “Wow, my pepper is crunchy today.” “These peas are green and go pop!”

5. And finally, try to avoid an episode of mastermind…

• By this, I mean many parents ask their children lots of questions about food: “Do you like it?” “Is it yummy?” “Do you want dip?” “Do you want to have some more?” “Shall I...”.  This can be overwhelming for some children, so try to keep questions minimal and simple, e.g. “Would you like peas or carrots with your pasta?”

My book The Ultimate Guide to Children’s Nutrition: How to Nurture Healthy, Happy Eaters in the First Five Years covers much more about language and how to support children's eating, mealtimes, and long-term relationships with food.

For more fact-based weaning tricks and tidbits, check out the Expert Advice section of our FEED!